I wrote this song 7 years ago, and have never released it. There never felt like a right time...
I wrote this song as I was moving back home from college. Moving from a place that I was seen and loved and respected as a woman and as my genuine self, to a place where I had to hide my genuine self from the world. Moving from a place where I could be free of the horrid memories I had of my hometown, from a place where I could be free of who I had been back to that trap. I moved to somewhere where I could not be love or be loved as the woman I am, or as my genuine self.
And during that, I wrote this song.
I can't listen to it today without hearing my despair and sadness. I can't listen to it today without hearing that young woman crying out to a world who had no want for her.
And to be honest, it makes me so goddamn happy. So damn happy for how far I have come from that place, for how loud and proud and visibly I live my life now. I reflect on this song, and the time in which I wrote it, not with sadness and despair but with a quiet hopefulness that my younger self could not hold.
I couldn't find any time to release something so personal, so tied to my own journey as a trans woman. And yet, surrounded by songs intended to demand and carve space it feels right. It feels right to release this song as a Pride song. I couldn't be prideful when I wrote it, and now I can, and to me there is nothing more poetic than that.