Recovery

by Ariana Giroux

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1.
Soft Rain 07:39
2.
3.
4.
5.
Can't Speak 05:10
Can't Speak (repeat) Can't Move (repeat)
6.
7.
8.
Acceptance 06:13

about

Recovery is an effort in healing and well-being. It is an effort in describing things that cannot be described. And most of all, it is an expression of pure emotion.

In November of 2020, a short while after the release of “Hyper Boreal,” I was violently attacked on the street for being trans. I have been attacked for this many times, from slurs and hate speech to attempted assaults. Yet I have never been affected so much by such hate in the past, but something about this event was different... Perhaps it was the scores of onlookers who did nothing. Perhaps it was the members of my local community who apologized for my attacker and victim-blamed me; all while they minimized how important and violent it was. Perhaps it was seeing that man again shortly after mere blocks from my home. Or maybe, just maybe, it was because he succeeded.

Anti-Trans violence has only become more regular since this event, and I have struggled to keep myself from re-traumatization day-in and day-out. I developed agoraphobia (commonly understood as the fear of certain places/going outside), and I had to work so hard every day to be okay. For a long time, I have worn my gender and my queerness as armour so as to shield others from the suffering I have had. This man found his way under that armour, and made that armor feel like a prison again.

So here I am, letting this music stand on its own. I write music for myself and often to process. To release any music made during this period without acknowledgement feels disingenuous. I am glad to have made all of this music for it truly is the best music I have ever made. The most vulnerable, the most real.

To any of those struggling to cope after a traumatic event, assault, or hate crime, I hope you may find some amount of solace in this music. I know I did.

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On to the technical stuff! This album was produced using an MPC Live (Generation 1), Novation Circuit, Korg Volca Keys, and (new to me) a Moral Skulpt. All samples are legally obtained via Splice, or are otherwise legally sourced Found Sound. All music was produced 100% DAWless, aside from the mastering stage. All software used was open source and linux based (Ardour, LSP-LV2-Suite).

The Skulpt really delivered on the promise the Volca Keys was supposed to bring in a portable and fully craftable poly-synth. Much of the sound design was done via custom patches on the Skulpt, often re-sampled into the MPC. I have so much to learn about this synth! Speaking of learning, the more I work with the MPC the more I am connected with it as an instrument. Between resampling most sounds for streamlined performance to performance on the pads, it truly feels like my instrument. I am truly approaching the perfect setup for me.

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released March 31, 2021

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Ariana Giroux regina, Saskatchewan

Synth nerd and electronica producer, general nerd and FOSS enthusiast.

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