I think the hardest part of recovery is always how difficult it can be when you have an eventual good day, only to have it stripped away by re-traumatization or Brain Gremlins.
This song was written on a day where I felt back to okay. I felt I was “Bouncing Back” to solid again, as if I was suddenly revived to a full person. This song was recorded the next day, and the day after that, and the day after that, and so on. I kept recording this after I had crashed back down to where I had been. Recording it felt disingenuous. There was something incredibly wrong with performing a song written when I was back to okay while everything was not okay. It felt like lying to myself and my art.
So I rewrote it. I cannibalized it into something else. I put it in a minor key and wrote a number of new supporting harmonic lines. It needed the melancholy I felt every day.
How wretched is that? It is sad that this beautiful song I named with the joy of feeling okay should become a testimony to the struggles of recovering from traumatic events is truly a shame.
Forced Femme is my latest obsession. Raw lyrics drenched in that classic kickass hate-fucking punk sound that I LIVE for. This is the perfect soundtrack for my frequent broken heart hardened over with undiluted
queer rage and just a dash of romanticism that you will never get me to admit outloud Tiberius King
if someone asks me for my favourite or any 80s disco track I still replay in my head again and again, I'll have to clarify why I'd make an exception for Spectrum. absolute bomb with such honest and raw emotion, it just makes me bawl. <3 neuroticcanary