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Bouncing Back

from Recovery by Ariana Giroux

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I think the hardest part of recovery is always how difficult it can be when you have an eventual good day, only to have it stripped away by re-traumatization or Brain Gremlins.

This song was written on a day where I felt back to okay. I felt I was “Bouncing Back” to solid again, as if I was suddenly revived to a full person. This song was recorded the next day, and the day after that, and the day after that, and so on. I kept recording this after I had crashed back down to where I had been. Recording it felt disingenuous. There was something incredibly wrong with performing a song written when I was back to okay while everything was not okay. It felt like lying to myself and my art.

So I rewrote it. I cannibalized it into something else. I put it in a minor key and wrote a number of new supporting harmonic lines. It needed the melancholy I felt every day.

How wretched is that? It is sad that this beautiful song I named with the joy of feeling okay should become a testimony to the struggles of recovering from traumatic events is truly a shame.

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from Recovery, released March 31, 2021

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Ariana Giroux regina, Saskatchewan

Synth nerd and trans activist, always trying to find a better way and drink a coffee

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